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listen up!

The average person spends nearly three quarters of their waking time engaged in one of the four types of 'communication' - listening - talking - reading - writing.

During our formal education reading and writing skills are emphasised. The skills of speaking and, most importantly, listening are not always highlighted to the same extent.

Because listening plays a vital role in our everyday communications, it affects everything we do and expect to be done. There are three principle ways in which we listen - socially - naturally - internally.

Listen to other people talking
Q: Do you make a conscious effort to hear and understand the speech of others?

You could illustrate your answer to this question by writing a note about the last time you really listened to someone and the last time you are aware that you were not giving your full attention to listening. What do these examples teach you?

Listen to the sounds of the physical environment
Q: Do you make a conscious effort to experience the exciting sense and sensation of hearing sounds in a personal inner way - music - birdsong - water - wind - chimes etc.?

Most of us could benefit from spending more time enjoying the sounds from our physical environment. Next time you go for a walk in nature, close your eyes for a while and listen! When you are listening to music, try and differentiate the different musical instruments and harmonies/discords which make up the whole composition.

Listen to your own personal dialogue
Q: Do you actively take the time to check your own thoughts and maybe have an internal conversation?

Checking our thoughts and being a mindful observer are skills which eastern religions emphasise. Mindfulness [internal listening] can bring us fresh insight to our circumstances and behaviour, including how we contribute to our own suffering even when others are apparently behaving unreasonably!

Here are some ideas for ways in which you can improve your listening and interpretation skills:

• Bring listening into your conscious mind whenever it is appropriate.
  
• Fix your mind onto what the other person is saying and the messages they are trying to convey. Try not to 'half listen' as you prepare your own rejoinder. Refrain from being too ready to jump in with your own speech. The wise person takes time to consider a suitable response. He speaks only if he can improve on silence!
  
• Do a 'thinking - listening' exercise when you have a moment on your own. First clear your mind of unnecessary clutter. Then ask yourself what gives you the most pleasure during social interactions - is it talking about yourself, is it hearing what other people have to say or is it the buzz of a stimulating two-way conversation? If you like the sound of your own voice too much, then it's time to develop your listening skills!
• Still your thoughts and concentrate on the sounds or absence of sounds inside and around you. Take a walk outside everyday and commune with nature.
• When you notice tension in your body, for whatever reason, stop your tension build up by listening to and assessing your thoughts. Have a conversation with yourself!
  

Understand that you choose your thoughts even though they are often based on inappropriate emotional reactions to challenging or previous life events. Challenge your reasoning and see if it is truly rational. Go through a 'what if' scenario.

Decide if 'the control' for the present situation is yours or if the control lies with another. If the control is yours, then take responsibility and 'listen' to your intuitive wisdom. If the control is not yours then acknowledge this but still listen to your intuitive wisdom - it will guide you to equilibrium.

• Listen to your own personal dialogue. Explore the rational and irrational thoughts that constantly go on inside your head.

Recall a poignant incident when you felt anxious / afraid / angry / frustrated / helpless / depressed.

"What were you saying to yourself when the situation was developing?"
"What could you have said to yourself instead?"

Re-live the situation in your mind, or on paper, adopting the persona of someone with a more rational approach.

With practice the part of your character which listens and interprets wisely will be you - most of the time!

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