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identifying and facing my fears

One area in particular where you can get stuck is in acknowledging and facing your fears. This is a crucial part of your development. Often you will find that your fears are not grounded in fact and therefore you are actually making yourself emotionally or physically frightened of an imaginary situation. This is a simplistic view of fear but one which is useful for many people. However, if you are in actual danger of being physically abused, then your fears are well founded and you should seek professional assistance.

Here we look at the vast majority of fears which have their basis in distorted views of the world passed down from parents to children, high profile media coverage of crime, natural disasters, medical problems etc, and the self-imposed guilt and low self-esteem of people who find it difficult to cope with modern society.

Identify your fears by taking them out of your mental store cupboard one by one. Write each one down on the left hand side of a page of your notebook. Some useful questions to ask are:

Am I afraid of being alone?
Am I afraid of having inadequate financial means ?
Am I afraid of losing my job?
Am I afraid of the idea that I have done wrong?
Am I afraid of making a fool of myself?
Am I afraid of what other people may think or say about me?
Am I afraid of dying?
Am I afraid of failing to live up to some perceived ideal?
Am I afraid of taking a risk?
Am I afraid of making changes?
Am I afraid of 'guilty' secrets being discovered?
Am I afraid of being branded 'a failure'?
Am I afraid of ……… ask your own fear questions

Answer only those questions which feel appropriate for you – ideally write down your answers.

Examine your fears by studying what you have written down as your ‘identified fears’. Look critically at each fear individually or as part of your fear pattern, if you can see a common theme running through your fears. Useful questions to ask are:

What is it that I am really afraid of here?
Is my fear appropriate to the situation?
In the very worst scenario what is actually likely to happen?
If my worst fears were to materialise, how would I cope?

The reality is usually far less serious than the fear. For each fear that you have identified, write down 'the reality' next to it. Think about what you have written.

Accept your fears and enact your ability to change - whatever your fear, the road to recovery and re-creation starts with 'acceptance'. Select one or two appropriate questions to ask and answer, for example:

Do I accept that I have been harbouring unnecessary fears, maybe for many years?
Do I accept that it is down to me to change my attitude towards fear?
Do I accept that my past way of living has often been based on negative fear?
Do I accept that my new 'normal' way of living will be based on constructive realism?

Banish all fear - it works! From now on there is no need to have unnecessary fear in your life at all. There is every point in being realistic about problems and obstacles in your life, but equally there is absolutely no point in being afraid of them.

Accept your life's challenges and see what you can learn from them. Choose to look at problems objectively as well as subjectively. Pretend you are someone else having to face the facts of your fears - viewed from outside they can take on a whole new look. Work out a responsible strategy for dealing with things - fear does not have to feature in this more realistic regime. It will only remain if you have consciously or subconsciously chosen to leave its threatening cloud hanging over you. I learnt this wisdom from someone nearly thirty years younger than me!

Nobody ever added even a minute of time to their life by worrying, but most of us lose many valuable hours to unnecessary fear. How would you rather spend your time -worrying or not worrying? Ah you may say, somewhere between fear and positive living is that awkward place 'the limbo land of uncertainty'.

Think of it this way - if life was totally predictable it would be unbearable - the fear of more of the same everyday would be very worrying! The fact is that nothing is totally certain - uncertainty is intrinsic to your life. So naturally it is worth learning how to feel secure and unafraid in the midst of uncertainty. I suggest that if you adopt a 'fear-less' approach to life, you will actually feel secure and learn to enjoy, yes enjoy, the stimuli of uncertainty. Please don't confuse fearless with reckless. Fearless is being unafraid with responsibility - fearless responsibility banishes all fear!

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